Tuesday, June 23, 2015

A Very Special Evening …with Heart!

I spent an amount of money too embarrassing to divulge for the VIP treatment at the recent Grand Victoria Casino Heart concert.
The Mrs. loves Heart, so I fall under the category of "Very Wonderful Husband."
First let me point out that everyone at the show was VERY nice, and I'm fully aware that I am the only one responsible for putting myself in the club of sad people who have to pay to have their picture taken with a celebrity.
For humor's sake, I would quote extensively from the small print of the release form I had to sign about the many things we were sternly warned not to do, but among those things I signed off on, was the threat of legal action if I repeated anything about the specifics of the waiver.
So forget I ever said anything about it.
As part of the VIP package we were first given the thrill of shopping at the Heart merchandise tent, them it was off to the Heart VIP party tent. I was happy with the provided 2 drink tickets each, and did enjoy the tasty snack selection. In case you wondered, hippie tapestry, LED candles, inspirational poetry by the honey mustard packets and the chance to write your innermost thoughts in the "Notes to Ann and Nancy" journal is what a Heart VIP Party Tent is.
Many there were genuinely thrilled by all this, and I was genuinely happy that they were happy.
Then it was time to get in line for our very own photo with Ann and Nancy. Even though I paid full price for two photo opps, we couldn't do one of just Alyson (since this was all for her) and then one together. We only had the option of one each, or one together, so I went for two.
As we all put out our arms to be sprayed down with disinfectant (really) it was explained that we would get our promised pre-signed posters right after the photo was snapped (no, you can't have them inscribed), then we were to exit the area immediately.
The quite lovely Wilson sisters left a space in-between their two chairs for the fans to squat down and say cheese as the one photo would be taken (don't blink!).
I'd write "Would it kill you to stick another chair at the table for the VIP's?" but nary a Heart Suggestion Box could be found.
No chance for eye contact or small talk (at least in my case) was part of the VIP experience. I did blurt out "Act excited!" to the ladies as I hunkered down, but that didn't get them to utter a word or turn even a quarter inch in my direction (which I can't fault them for).
When my 4 seconds of fame by association ended, I was quickly lead outside the fenced in area with only fond memories of my brief tenure being a VIP.
In summation, I'm sure they have many well thought out reasons for all these rules, and I'm also assuming that Ann and Nancy are wonderfully nice people. It's also just great that a VIP package is an option for their most ardent fans. It's also fine with me that Heart was able to clear an extra $10,000 before the show (just a wild guess).
I'm just passing along a slice-of-life experience!
Oh, and the payoff?
Alyson does a sizzlingly nasty bump-and-grind during Barracuda.
The best things in life are free!

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Before there was Caitlin Jenner, you won't believe the Superstars that underwent a Sex Change!

Leave it to Larry Flynt to come up with
the most nostalgically tacky memorabilia of the 70s!
If you ever thought Charles Bronson as Charlene Bronson
would look good over the mantlepiece,
all you needed to do was clip out the form in Hustler or Chic,
write out a check, and then wait by your mailbox for 6-8 weeks.
Are these eerie predictions of changes to come?
Only time will tell!

Saturday, June 6, 2015

The Bigfoot and Son Father's Day Beer Stein!


Just click on the Kickstarter link above
for all the details on getting your very own Munktiki Bigfoot Stein,
plus MANY other collectible rewards!

To quote the official Munktiki press release:
"With much success on our first stein, the Krampus Stein,
we bring you our second endeavor. Number One Bigfoot Stein!
This stein has an extremely detailed relief rendition of
Mitch O'Connell's Awesome Father and Child Bigfoot print.
Like our Krampus stein the Bigfoot stein comes in 2 Styles,
Painted Style and Raw Style.
Bigfoot's Fathers Day Stein is 10 1/2 inches tall
and holds 1 liter of your favorite brew.
The fitted lid helps keep out unwanted squirrels and falling acorns,
a must have for any wilderness treking beer lover."

When Munktiki asked me to come up with a Bigfoot design,
I drew up Father and son walking in the woods,
but I didn't think it was enough.
So I called in a member of my staff, son Leo, to get his opinion.
He scratched his chin and told me,
"You need more father/son mythical creatures in the background."
"You're a genius!" I proclaimed.
So I added aliens, Jackalopes, Loch Ness,
Slender Man and Unicorns to liven it up.

I whipped out my Windsor Newton Series 7 #4 brush
and started inking away thinking how pleased Munktiki would be,
until they told me to stop with all the extras,
and just stick with the main characters.
My first inclination when told to do things over is to pout,
but I always do my best to resist that urge because I'm come to learn
that even when I think I'm right, chances are
I'll figure out later that the client is correct.
And once again, that theory proved right!

PS- I usually ink with rapidographs,
so using a brush made me feel like a '70s Marvel artist!
The new improved version!
The biggest difficultity was the boy.
He was just looking stiff,
so I did what I often do when searching for a solution,
look at other artists work.
And for  figure movement, what could be better than vintage Disney studio art?
So if you break open one of your Disney books,
search for a picture of a skipping Pinocchio.
It might look oddly familiar!

The Bigfoot bottle opener design!
The Bigfoot topper design!

Don't miss out on getting your Bigfoot stein!
If you didn't order the (now unavailable) Krampus stein,
you won't want the same mistake to happen twice!